On life and its vagaries


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I now dismantle the system to look at its innards:

I see fans purring, indicators blinking, motherboard sitting immobile, colored lines passing all through the surface, dozens of capacitors with their tiny legs sitting waiting, waiting, waiting, round and slim and fat and square,  circuits spanning the entire surface of the board creating silvery streaks on a greenish background. I take out the RAM and wipe off the dust before putting it back.

The noise dies for a moment and then comes back on.

The monitor again comes alive, and someone says in a mechanical voice “welcome sam, what would you like to do” I must have programmed it to do that. It’s a damn nuisance. But I don’t feel like turning it off.

Eyes suddenly blur and wander off, the mind now only functions in fits and starts.

I lazily look at the tiger on the desktop with its fierce fangs all-bared and goes into an involuntary shudder, what made me choose it to look me down like this every day? I should change it to something soft, like a child’s face in all its innocence and lovely expectations. Then I felt bored and strangely depressed, I am no child and the world seems wild. In exasperation I roar into the microphone that must be somewhere “connect me to the darn internet”

An eternity passes.  I am tolerably composed for the time being. The world somehow remains peaceful and quite inside and out all the while. Even the snow has stopped falling outside.  The window panes have cleared and I have a view of the distant and cold hills.

Then the net link starts blinking and all chaos breaks out, someone says hello with words, there are mails galore, spams aplenty, there is the voice saying “your antivirus software has been updated”. Now my younger brother comes alive on the screen as some program automatically signs on.

“I saw you are online. I was just about to sign off”

I send him a smiley of boredom. I don’t feel like talking.

He says ‘haha’ and signs off.

I am bemused.

Where does all this reality reside? I look around the room, the paneled walls seem solid, the fan hangs like a dead tarantula overhead, the phone’s display shows 2008 as always, there is the tangible presence of the cold around. Lightning flashes come silently through the window and do not leave a trace.

Again I look at the cords going into the system, they look black and viper headed. They don’t contain anything other than copper and resin. Yet something is channeled through them. What could it be? Some call it power.  Should I call it God?  I peer into the open case of the system and then into the monitor and back. I open files and documents, close, play videos and audios. Play chess with system and shuts everything down.

I still am bemused. Virtual or not, where does all the reality reside? Within or without? Yet who is within and what is without? Who is the knower and what is known and what distinguishes the two? Why is the division at all?

A bugle sounded somewhere and I hear heavy snow falling outside.

I am just bored I console myself. This will pass and I will be myself again.

I hear someone laughing. It could be me. Then it could be nothing too.

And this Me, what the heck is that?



2 Responses

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  1. intriguing..where does reality reside…is any of this online world reality…is our lives any different…great ponderings…


    December 29, 2010 at 10:26 pm

  2. My Dear Sam, tho not so busy online with your poems it sounds as tho you are fully preoccupied or occupied with THE WEB?? I have just spent 3 weeks at Puttaparti Chez Sai Baba. What an experience!! My new life starts now, having sadly scattered the ashes of the old one, but the Energy stays with me. On Nama Shivaya awakes it, and it likes going to very beautiful places in meditation, then zipp, there it is. All things positive and open and loving encourage it. Can you feel it?? T


    January 20, 2011 at 9:33 pm

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